I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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