I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
