ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
