and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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