can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
