Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
