Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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