saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize