yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
