he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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