i jhust puked up my retainher.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
