shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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