I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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