Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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