Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
