they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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