Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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