You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize