Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize