Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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