Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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