i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize