It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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