You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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