Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
