I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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