I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
