I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
