I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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