WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
