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I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
