I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
