Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
