Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
