Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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