It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
