Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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