i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
