I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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