It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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