The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
