chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
