We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize