Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
