so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
