dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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