Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
