I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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