I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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