I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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