the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
