9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
As shirtless as possible
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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