Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize