it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
