Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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