"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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