If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
