he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
