woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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