Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I need moral support for this bender
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
