if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
