I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Is it because I queefed?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
