also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
