strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
