Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
