I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
