I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
