So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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