walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
