So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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