Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize