If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize