dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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