Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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