I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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