if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
