I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
