it hurts more in the daytime
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
