Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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