Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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