Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
