I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
