You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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