He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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