then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
