You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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