Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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