I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
