Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
