nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
