I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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