I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
