Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
