I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
