So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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