just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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