Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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