Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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