You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize