Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
