I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
