it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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