I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
