On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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