and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
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