Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i'm inner monologue high
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
