Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
